Just Some Regular Insanity
by Madame Weeping Bell
Summary: Jumping from trains? Silver limos at the bottoms of lakes? Vaccuum roller coasters of death? Broken XBOXES? A super-EPICK climax you won't forget? PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HE'LL DO NEXT! -DISCONTINUED. WORKING ON A NEW VERSION. Read this one while you can!-
1. Crazy Train

**_I couldn't wait until Christmas, so here is some regular insanity! This is NOT a one-shot, by the way._**

**_I don't own Regular Show. J.G. does._**

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><p>"Mordecai, are you sure about this?"<p>

"If I wasn't, would we be doing this?"

"Dude, you're crazy. You are _completely_ _crazy_." The little brown raccoon turned to leave, but a feathered arm held him in place.

"Rigby, you're not going anywhere." The voice the arm belonged to replied. "Don't you trust me?"

"Not really, no." Rigby stared at the blue jay blankly. Thunder rumbled in the distance and lightning lit up the blue jay's face.

"Whatever," Mordecai shrugged before wrenching the locomotive door open. They both climbed inside before gaping at all the controls.

"Which one do you think is the ignition?" Mordecai asked, mouth open.

"Do trains even have ignitions?"

"Dude, I dunno but I WANNA FIND OUT!" Mordecai suddenly reached for a lever and yanked it toward him. "AUGH. The thing's a stick!"

"What, you can't drive a stick?" Rigby asked as he stepped off the steam engine. "Oh well, guess we have to go then."

The train suddenly lurched forward and Mordecai let out a mad scientist laugh. Lightning lit his face to reveal a crazed expression accompanying the laugh. Rigby, who was startled beyond belief, hopped back onto the train as thunder shook his body. Or maybe it was the train.

"Mordecai, you can't be serious about this, man. You've never even liked trains!" Rigby held onto the door as rain began to pelt eveyrthing in sight. Rigby stuck his head out the window and squinted as the rain blew in his face.

They passed a park as Rigby took the blue jay by the shoulders and tried to shake some sense into him. "BENSON'S GONNA BE MORE THAN F*****G PISSED ONCE HE SEES US IN HERE!"

"Who cares what he thinks? If today-"

"YOU DO, YOU IDIOT!" Rigby cut Mordecai off as he started to quote his favorite song. Rigby walked towards the lever Mordecai pulled and begn to push it back to its original spot.

They were passing a field as Mordecai smiled insanely again. He opened the door before the raccoon pushed the lever back. The blue jay took him by the arm and pulled him off the train as they tuck and rolled off the moving train.

Rigby stood up and dusted himself off before looking at the single car as it disappeared from sight. Then he turned to Mordecai, and he was none too happy.

Mordecai was taught not to repeat these words, and Rigby said some things that'd he wouldn't _want_ to repeat anyway, but when Benson came along, whoo boy, it'd be better to skip this scene altogether.

(linebreak)

"Dude, what the H is wrong with you? You could've killed us!"

"Let's not forget you left a train running. This is completely unlike you, Mordecai. I'd expect something from Rigby, but this is too much. Until you can get your senses back, you're both suspended from work. _Now get out!"_ Benson screamed when they had all returned to the house in the park.

Mordecai had always been a good actor, and all of his teachers had told him he should try out for drama. This was one of the only times he could apply such skills to life. He truly was sorry, but he was still excited from the rush of jumping out of a running train.

He had a sad expression on his face, much to Benson and Rigby's suprise. "I'm sorry, guys. I honestly don't know what happened. I swear it won't happen again."

"It better not, 'cause you're off work for a month. You make me sick." Benson added as he left the room with a slam of the door.

After he was sure Benson had gone, Mordecai turned to Rigby, his expression replaced by one of triumph. "That. WAS AWESOME! C'mon, dude, high five!"

Rigby didn't move, but stared at Mordecai for a while.

"Rigby, don't leave me hanging!"

"Idiot," the raccoon muttered as he left the room.

"What just happened?" The blue jay stared blankly at the door. H elooked at his arm, which was now by his side. "He left me hanging."

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><p><strong><em>I like trains BLAAAAAAAARGH1!<em>**

**_BYEZ GUYZ!_**


	2. Train Wreck

**_MORE REGULAR INSANITY! YAY!_**

**_I don't own Regular Show. The almighty Quintel does._**

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><p>"Dude, what was that about? You left me hanging yesterday!" Mordecai had been out looking for Rigby after he had been gone for four hours the night before. Turns out Rigby was at the coffee shop, telling Margaret everything that happened.<p>

"'What was that about?' I did you a favor by leaving you hanging yesterday! I should've high-fived your face." Rigby glared at the blue jay. "Do you not remember what happened yesterday? You were _crazy_, that's what happened!" Rigby added.

"We jumped off a train. So what? It's not like we got hurt or anything." Mordecai shrugged, looking innocent. There was that acting again.

"We could have! Look, all I'm saying is that that was really stupidly insane what you pulled yesterday. And if you plan on doing it _again_ today, you can count me out." Rigby stormed off on all-fours, not going anywhere in particular.

Mordecai sighed frustratedly before sitting at the bar. "Can I get the usual?" He asked Margaret as calmly as he could.

"Sure, coming right up," Margaret passed him a coffee mug and the jay looked out the window.

"Thanks," Mordecai said as he thought about what he would do today since he was off work. After he finished his coffee, Mordecai payed the pretty cardinal and said, "I don't know about you, but Rigby seems tense."

"What exactly _did_ you do yesterday?" Margaret looked up from cleaning one of the tables.

"I dunno. I saw a train, took Rigby with me, started it, then jumped from it." Mordecai shrugged.

"Well he does have good reason to be mad at you." She replied.

"I guess. I mean, Benson practically screwed us for the next month."

"How so?"

"We got suspended from work." The jay replied simply.

"Harsh. Well, I guess you can always work here for the month. We do need more help."

Mordecai brightened up considerably. "That would be awesome, but I can't. As long as Rigby is still mad at me, I can't really do anything until I clear things up with him."

"Okay, but if you ever get bored just come here."

"Later," Mordecai excused himself from the shop and he pulled out a planner with 'confidential' marked on the front. The few passers-by looekd at the word and wondered wha the blue jay was up to on the inside.

(linebreak)

"Dude, c'mon, talk to me! I'm sorry about yesterday! I really am!" Mordecai begged as the mechnaic buzz of the cart bore into his head. "I swear it won't happen again!"

Rigby turned his head away from the blue jay as they roamed around, no where in particular. "I swear! I'm not acting! I really am!"

"You can't change the past, Mordecai. What's done is done. An apology's not gonna just make it all better." Rigby snapped.

The golf cart slowly rolled to a stop on some railroad tracks. "OH CRAP!"

In the not-so-very distance, you could hear a train whistle.

"I thought we were done with trains." Rigby turned to Mordecai.

"We are!" Mordecai exclaimed as the train appeared on the left side of the woods. His phone started to vibrate, but he payed no attention to it. "Oh crap oh crap OH CRAP!"

"HOLY-!" Rigby shouted as he saw the train coming too. He hopped out and started to [futiley] push the cart as Mordecai started yammering on the gas and violently turning the keys. "NOTHING'S HAPPENING ! WHAT DO IDO! WHAT DO I DO!"

"Mordecai, what the H are you doing!" Rigby yelped as the blue jay slowly stopped what he was doing. He realized that there was no way theu could get the golf cart in time to save themselves. Instead, Mordecai smiled as he turned to Rigby with the same expression he had yesterday.

"If today was your last day..." he muttered under his breath. Mordecai scooted over to the other side of the golf cart and climbed on top before bracing himself for a jump.

The train was only a few feet away now. Mordecai began the jump as he yelled at the top of his lungs, "I NEVER DID LIKE TRAINS!"

The black locomotive plowed clean through the little golf cart as Rigby backed away quickly. "MORDECAI!" The raccoon fought to be heard over the roar of the train.

Rigby helped the bird up as he asked, "Dude, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so. That was close." The bird staggered a bit as he looked at the spot where he had just been sitting.

"The heck happened to you? You were just freakin' out then you...I don't even know how to explain it, man."

"I don't know, but let's get friggen' out of here."

Unfortunately, Maragret, who had been the caller, had heard everything, and had just hung up, and realized that Mordecai really was going crazy.

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><p><strong><em><span>Dang computer screwed up and shut down so I could only save the first half of this chapter before I had to retype it.<span>_**

**_Oh well. I'm going to be paranoid about trains after this._**

**_BYEZ GUYZ!_**


	3. Plants VS Zombies Night

_**I ran out of ideas at the end of the last chapter so I just put down the first crazy thing I thought of. So there. That's why there was a train in the second chapter.**_

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><p>"You sure you don't want to come with me?" Mordecai asked as he was heading out the door. "It's Plants VS. Zombies Night at the coffee shop!"<p>

"I never liked that game, but you go ahead. I got everything covered over here," Rigby replied as he put down an armful of sodas and chips on the table. "Too many plants, not enough zombies."

"Okay, if you say so. Hey, if you see Skips, tell him about it, 'kay?"

"Sure."

That was the first normal conversation Mordecai and Rigby had in a week since the train-and-golf-cart accident. They had talked little after it because they were still shaken up, but Mordecai had been so excited about it that he didn't care. He had been doing more stupidly intended stuff, like hotwiring a silver limo from the Fort Washgrey Museum (he had been taken in for questioning, but not arrested because he was also good at lying), which was probably in the bottom of the lake by now... _DON'T_ ask.

Mordecai had presently arrived at the coffee shop, where there were at least thirty people waiting for Plants VS. Zombies Night to start.

"Mordecai!" Came a certain cardinal's voice. "Mordecai, I tried to call you last week. What happened?"

"Oh, hey Margaret! Long story short the golf cart got stuck on some train tracks and a train plowed through it."

"I know. I heard when I called. You're treading on some stupidly intended ground, Mordecai. I suggest you watch what you're doing from now on."

The blue jay looked suprised. "You heard everything that day, and you didn't tell me or Rigby sooner?"

"I wanted to talk to you in person," Margaret shrugged. "So, Plants VS. Zombies starts in ten."

Mordecai looked after her as the cardinal pushed passed the eight more people who had just entered. His shoulders slumped and he realized that what he was doing was killing his chance with Margaret. But he couldn't stop! Not now, not after he found the joy of adrenaline that comes with doing stupidly intended stuff. It was impossible to stop the insanity that was overtaking the bird, and not even he knew why he did what he did. It was like everything he did now was spur-of-the-moment crap that had severe consequences.

"What's wrong with me?" Mordecai asked as he looked at the ceiling.

When Plants VS. Zombies Night was over, both Mordecai and Margaret had agreed that it was safer to walk back to the park with Mordecai. Margaret said it was for Mordo's own safety, but the blue jay just wanted to have her around for comfort. He recently lost his job, his best friend, and he couldn't lose the girl he'd been crushing on since high school! It just doesn't work like that... does it?

There were four big guys hanging around the gate of the park. Mordecai was aware of this and whispered to Margaret, "I know a way around the back."

Margaret nodded and they kept walking, but as they reached the gate, two of the men stood and blocked their way.

"Where you goin'?" The first guy-the biggest-demanded.

"Who wants to know?" Mordecai snapped at him before turning around and walking off. A hand landed on Mordecai's shoulder, stopping him from continuing his saunter with Margaret.

"What did you just say?" The first guy asked. Mordecai whipped around, Margaret firmly in tow. The blue jay stepped closer to the man and was only one inch away from him as he said, "Who. Wants. To. Know."

"I heard what you said!" The second guy barked as his fist met with Mordecai's face. "Mordecai!" Margaret yelped.

"I'm okay," the blue jay staggered back a bit before spitting out a tooth. The men moved into a formation that left the gate wide open for entrance. They blocked Mordecai and Margaret in before Mordecai took the cardinal's hand and started running for the lake.

"COME BACK HERE YOU B*****DS!" The fourth guy shouted at them as all four gave chase.

Mordecai felt the adrenaline return as he let go of Margaret's hand and whispered to her, "I have a plan. Follow my lead." Margaret nodded as the men caught up to them as they approached the lake.

The first guy grabbed Mordecai's arm and spun him around. He had pulled a knife and cut Mordecai across the back and stomach.

"Mordeai!" Margaret tried to reach out to him as he doubled over, but she was cut off quickly.

"Go get... help!" Mordecai shouted as he stood back up. Maragret fled to the house in the park, looking back multiple times as one of the guys had taken the blue jay's arms bhind his back and started dunking him in the lake.

(linebreak)

All was quiet in the house as Rigby continued to try to fix the XBOX. "COME ON!" He grouched as he finally gave up.

Rigby glanced at the nearest clock before raiding the fridge. Mordecai was supposed to be back half an hour ago. Where was he?

Suddenly, there was banging at the door and someone was calling for the raccoon. "RIGBY! OPEN UP! MORDECAI'S HURT!"

Rigby wasted no time in getting to the door to find Margaret behind it.

"What about Mordecai?"

"He's hurt! Some guys chased us to the lake and pulled a knife on Mordecai! He's hurt! Come ON!" Before Rigby could answer, the cardinal yanked him out of the house and back toward the brawl.

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><p><strong><em><span>This chapter was really fun to write. I don't know if it's because there's a fight or if there was a silver limo at the bottom of the lake.<span>_**

**_BYEZ GUYZ!_**


	4. I Have a Liscense

**_I do so love violence, don't you?_**

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><p>Rigby and Margaret arrived at the lake moments before Mordecai burst form the surface of the lake, gasping for breath. Before he could suck in enough air to breathe regularly again, he was pulled back under by one of men Margaret had described on the way.<p>

"MORDECAI!" Margaret grabbed his arm as it broke the surface of the lake. Rigby reached for it too as Mordecai resurfaced and tried to swim out.

"AUGH!" The blue jay spluttered as pain exploded from his side. He landed firmly on the ground, but had no time to rest before he was pulled to his feet by the guy that stabbed him.

"Rigby!" Mordo yelped as the raccoon climbed onto the back of the guy with the knife. Rigby wrenched the knife from the huge man before tossing it into the ground.

Police sirens sounded in the distance. Someone had called the police on them. No one gave much it attention until you could see the cars coming; when the four men noticed, they fled, leaving Rigby and Margaret gaping at Mordecai.

Officers arrived shortly after, and escorted the small group back to the cars.

Mordecai and Maragret explained everything while Rigby had gone to get a first aid kit for Mordecai.

"What did they look like?" one of the cops asked.

"I-I dunno. I was underwater half the time, and Maragret was getting help."

"Hmmmm, unsettling. Well, with this knife we should be able to get something together."

The other officers put the uncleaned knife in a bag before heading off. It made Mordecai grimace and grow queasy. You would to, if you were stabbed and saw your own blood on a knife.

After the police cars left, Mordecai turned to Margaret. "Don't tell anytone about this, okay?"

Margaret nodded as Rigby returned with the kit. "Dude, what did you do to those guys?"

"I don't know! All I said was 'who wants to know' and they started chasing us!" Mordecai threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "I lost a tooth!"

"We need to get back to the house. Those guys might come back." Margaret commented as she glance in the direction of the lake.

"Good idea." Mordecai stood and started staggering back to the house after Rigby finished cleaning him up. Rigby and Margaret quickly caught up to him. Margaret put her arm around Mordecai, which he gladly accepted while doing a victory dance on the inside.

(linebreak)

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go home, Margaret," Rigby stated as Mordecai laid down on the couch.

"You and I both. Is there a room I can stay?" Maragret looked around. Aside from the XBOX, which was in pieces right now, the house was relatively clean. "I don't know why I haven't come here before. It's a lot cleaner here than at my apartment."

"Upstairs, third door to the right." Mordecai winced as he pointed upstairs. "I'll just stay here for the night. Probably won't be able to make it upstairs anyway. Besides, if those guys come back and manage to break the door down-"

"Dude, stop. The police chased them away."

"I don't care. I don't want Benson to _actually_ fire us this time." Mordecai replied firmly.

"Okay, if you say so," Margaret shrugged as the lights went out for the night.

..

"What happened to you, Mordecai?" Came a certain voice that belonged to none other than Benson.

"Long story," he replied. "Let's just say that last night was _not_ one of my best."

A raccoon and cardinal appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Rigby walked over to where the XBOX was sitting on the table, like nothing had happened to it. "Dude, how'd you fix it?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I fixed it. Same thing happened to mine in college. Twice."

"Sweet!" Rigby immediately flung himself onto the couch and turned it on. "Dibs on player one!"

Maragret had gone outside to sit on the porch, but she hadn't sat down for long before running back inside. "Mordecai!"

The blue jay stood, grabbed something from under the couch, stuffed it in his pocket, and glanced out the window. Those guys were back. "I got this."

"Mordecai, wait!" Benson started to get up but Maragret held him in place.

"Don't. There's a reason to his insanity, so let him use it."

Mordecai had stepped onto the porch and approcahed the men from the night before. "I don't appreciate what you did to us last night."

"You have a lot of nerve coming out here like that," the third guy said.

"Look, I don't care who the f**k you think you are, but you can't just go around stabbing everyone you see. It's against the law."

"What's the law gonna do about it?"

"The law puts you in jail." Mordecai snapped. The second guy's hand came down on the blue jay's shoulder, but Mordecai slapped it off. "Paws off, _bucko_!"

"Oh, I'm so scared! Watcha gonna do about it? Get your lady friend out here?"

"She has a boyfriend, fyi."

"Oh yeah, who?" The fourth barked.

"Me." Mordecai pointed at himself and glared at the men. Did I mention Mordo was good at lying?

"We ain't scared of you."

"You should be!" The blue jay suddenly pulled something out of his pocket, with shaking hands, and aimed at the guys. "Now get out of here, or I shoot!"

"Oh, no, he's got a gun!" The first mocked fear as he laughed at Mordecai. "That thing's not even loaded."

Mordecai aimed in between two men and pulled the trigger before aiming at the guys again. The sound rang in his ears as he said, "_fully_ loaded. Now get out of here or I shoot _and_ call the police. Go on, git!"

The men immediately split and Mordecai fired off some warning shots before going back inside and locking the door.

"I swear, people never learn!" He remarked as he unloaded the gun and shoved it back under the couch.

"Where did you get a gun?" Benson's voice cracked.

"Don't worry, I have a liscense. I keep it under the couch just in case."

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><p><strong><em><span>If anyone noticed, I put a reference to Happy Days in there somehwere.<span>_**

**_BYEZ GUYZ!_**


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